My music preferences are quite wide, but I'm definitely always keen on the whole female singer-songwriter genre. Shawn Colvin, Alanis Morissette, Edie Brickell, P.J. Harvey, Beth Orton—I've got all their albums.

The problem is that for all of them, some of their albums are a lot better than others. I'm not a big fan of celebrity gossip but I did eventually start to realize that there was a correlation: in each case, when life was shit and fucked up, they produced corking albums, and when they were happier than a Tory in a brothel, discs full of banality resulted. So . .

The Cunning Plan: Hire a collection of gigolos to go out and actively seduce all of these women. Make sure that they all have a wonderful time, and fall head over heels in love with these gigolos. Then, pay the gigolos to leave them—preferably in the most stressful, heartbreaking way possible. Have these singers catch their new boyfriends in bed with their mothers. With their fathers! With their domestic animals! Then, sit back and wait for a year or two and the bumper crop of absolutely top albums.

(Inspiration: "Monopoly" from Shawn Colvin's "Fat City" album; Co-conspirator: Mike C)